Six weeks ago, I had surgery for a fractured ankle. I am non-weight bearing so any excursions outside my home becomes a major undertaking. Hobbling down the stairs to the car and packing up the scooter is just the beginning of a time-consuming ordeal to simply get out of the house to an appointment or an occasional bite to eat. Usually the person helping me through this process is a family member or a close friend for which I am totally grateful but not surprised. This is what we do for people we know and love. I have received nice cards, messages, meals and many other indications of their care and concern for me and I know that I would do the same thing for them if our roles were reversed.

The thing that surprises me, though, is the reaction that I get from complete strangers. People will go out of their way to hold doors when they see me coming, let me move ahead of them in lines and initiate conversations with me as if we have known each other for years. “How did it happen? Oh, I remember when I did that last year. I know how you are feeling. It isn’t fun but you will be fine if you do your therapy,” are just a few of the comments I hear from smiling and kind but complete strangers. Sarah Fielding once said, “The words of kindness are more healing to a drooping heart than balm or honey,” and I definitely agree. I always return home from these outings feeling better than when I left, not only because I was able to get out of the house for a little while but also because of the human kindness I experience wherever I go.

The thing that is confusing though, is why it takes an injury or illness to bring those acts of kindness to the surface. I understand that vulnerability is a catalyst for kindness; we innately do not like to see anyone suffer, but I have had people who have reached out to me during this recuperation who I know are not particularly close to me. It made me reflect on my own actions and I realized that I do the same thing. In a particular incident, there was someone who I personally did not care for but when her family member was involved in an accident, I was the first person to step up and try to help during this situation. Even though we did not hold the same values, I never wished any harm or pain to her or her family. What would I call that? Temporary kindness? Guilt kindness? I am not sure.

Og Mandino states that if “Beginning today we treat everyone we meet as if they were not going to be here tomorrow; extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of a reward, our lives will never be the same again.” Wow. I feel I am basically a kind person but not to that degree; However, I could begin to be more purposeful in my actions and take baby steps toward that goal. But I wonder why it is so easy to be kind to someone who is afflicted or in pain and yet not so easy in our day to day connections with that same person. Some say it is because we mentally put ourselves in that vulnerable situation and others say it is an emotional reaction.

I remember standing next to the coffin of my 36 year-old husband with hundreds of people paying their respects and asking me, “What can I do for you?” My answer was always the same; “Call me in 6 months.” I was so grateful for the outpouring of love and kindness on that day but I knew as time went on, I would need their support more than ever. The responses were as diverse as the people who filed by but in the end, the people who were around me that following March were the friends and family who I had counted on each day before this tragedy. It is human nature to just go back to our normal routine and day to day life, not because we don’t have good intentions but because life goes on for everyone. I am sure those kind people at the doctor’s office and at Panera Bread did not give my ankle another thought after we went our separate ways.

I think that the lack of kindness that is upsetting to most of us though, is the one that intentionally inflicts and celebrates the pain of others. How does a person get to the point where hate replaces kindness and distress is the desired outcome? Do those individuals grow layers and layers of thick skin from experiences and beliefs in their lives that blocks the outpouring of goodness from the soul? In their moments of solitude, do those people feel the lack of kindness in themselves? Are they blinded by the intentions that drives them to be cruel? I recently read a story about a young boy who committed suicide due to bullying and wonder where a lack of kindness that is so malicious that it would drive someone to take their own life originates.

It is obvious that there are many levels of lack of kindness from gossiping to bullying and everything in between. I am very grateful to those who are always by my side as well as the ones who hold the door and wish me well. This experience has brought to my attention that I am pretty good in both of these areas but I have room to grow in others. Not only do I need to learn to practice more mindful kindness, I also need to speak up when I see a lack of it. Sometimes I get discouraged by all the current dissent in our country but as Charles Kuralt reminds us, “The everyday kindness of the backroads more than makes up for the acts of greed in the headlines.” I will try to take more trips down the back road; how about you?

So, at The Heart of It All in this glorious thing called life, remember, in the words of Aesop, that “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”

Peace and kindness be with you.