Welcome!

Mark Twain once said, “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”

Hello and welcome to my blog! On the surface, it may seem odd that I would write my first entry on the topic of death, but as you read on, you will see it is about so much more than that. It is a story about life and friendship and the process of living.

I have a friend that I have known since I have been ten years old. I moved into a new neighborhood one summer and had to transfer schools. Being so nervous about making new friends and the unknown ahead of me, I cried that entire summer and almost drove my mother crazy with my emotional ups and downs. The morning I left for my first day of school, I thought my life was ruined and I would never be happy again, but by lunch time, I had made five friends that I still have today. When I came home that afternoon skipping up the steps and laughing out loud, I’m not sure if my mom wanted to hug me or shake me!

Fast forward to adulthood, and the six of us still have a bond that we fostered in grade school. As kids we shared childhood antics and boyfriend stories, and as adults we continued to support each other through marriages, divorces, sickness and health, births and deaths. We often said we had to stay friends because we not only knew way too many secrets about each other but we witnessed the charting of the paths of our lives over the years.

A few years ago, we rented a van and took a girls trip to the beach, and, hence the name “Beach Babes” was invented.  From that trip forward, the name stuck. Whenever we referred to each other or sent emails, the subject line was Beach Babes.  I don’t think I ever laughed, cried, ate, drank or shared more than I did that trip which sealed the deal even more on the meaning of friendship. The weather was terrible but we still managed to get a sunburn, blisters and a few headaches.

I really do have a purpose in telling you all this because recently one of our “babes” got sick. Well, more than sick. She was given a prognosis of one to four months of life left on this planet. It just didn’t seem fair. She had fought so hard over the years. Facing one health crisis after another, she always managed to bounce right back up on her feet. She reminded me of one of those inflatable toys that you punch but they are impossible to keep down as they always spring back to an upright position. She had done this so many times and with such ease, I think we took for granted she would do it again. But that wasn’t the case.

When my friend entered hospice, I went to visit, thinking I was going to be a support to her, but instead, it was reversed. She planned her death the way she lived her life-her way. After all her plans were made for her passing and celebration of her life, she then became a source of comfort for me and others. On the Sunday before she passed away, we talked in depth about life. After asking her to find my husband who had passed away many years ago and give him a message from me, our conversation then focused on life and our thoughts about it. I asked her about all those things people say from their deathbed about working less and playing more, but she said that was not a concern for her. “Work, play, family, purposeful living; these are all important parts of life. I think how you choose to do these functions each day is the foundation of all things.”

We than began discussing these values and laughed until our stomachs hurt as we tried to rhyme the titles of each attributes. Here is what we came up with and what I want to share with you.

DARE    Did you dare to take chances and step outside your comfort zone?

FAIR     Were you fair in all your actions and interactions with people and decisions you made?

BEAR    Did you bear the responsibility of your own life’s choices and not blame others?

SWEAR Did you stand up for what is just and speak out when it was needed?

CARE    Did you give and receive love fully throughout your life?

So much wisdom, laughter, love and friendship was shared that day. “Write that down,” she said smiling as she started to doze off in exhaustion.  Seventy two hours later, she passed away.

My friend donated her body to science so a celebration mass was held in her honor. The now five “beach babes” sat together feeling the absence of our friend, but the ceremony was uplifting and comforting as she had planned. The church was full and stories were shared as we all made a commitment to remain close despite this devastating loss.

So many times since her passing, I thought of this conversation and my promise to “write it down.” I decided to make her story my first blog entry because her death was so much about life. Many of us question the purpose of our lives and how to fulfill it, but I think if we follow those five little rhyming words from a beach babe as she faced her death with dignity and strength, we will be on the right path.

At the heart of it all, this glorious thing called life is a precious gift to experience and enjoy and stories like that of my friend are shared to remind us of that. Peace be with you.