Many people associate major changes in their lives with a date or an event. When they remember a situation that affected their lives at some point, they relate it to a time when something else occurred. I’ve heard some say, “Oh, that happened in 2015 because that is when my grandchild was born,” or, “This occurred in August because it was the same time that Sarah left for college.” But as I consider my life changing circumstances and events over the years, I find myself relating not to a time or an event, but to asking myself the same question every time a change was eminent; “How? How am I ever going to do this?”
When my husband Rob was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy and quickly needed a heart transplant, I asked- “How? How can we make it? How can I help him?” When he died 2 years later at the age of 35, I again asked, “How? How can I support my family? How can I work and go to school? How can I go on without him?” With each “How” that I continued to put out into the universe, answers eventually came after much soul searching and decision making, but it seems that my life has been a series of these “How am I going to do this” questions for many years.
Now I’ve approached another crossroads in my life and the question again is forefront in my mind. Due to several different circumstances at this point in my life, I have made the decision to retire. This decision was not an easy one because I love my work and the people who surround me. So again, I ask, “How?” How can I leave an organization that has given me so much more than I have ever given to it? Being a part of my team has given me purposeful and fulfilling work, relationships, family and a social life. It was and continues to be my home away from home.
I came to Christ Hospital straight out of nursing school as a brand-new nurse who had so much to learn and they welcomed me with open arms. Still learning to live as a young widow with two kids, I found a home on Auburn Avenue and a family of peers to support me. They held me up when I struggled and helped me to grow both personally and professionally until I felt confident enough to move forward.
They gave me friendships, weddings, baby showers and all the social events that we attended as a team. I never felt like the “third wheel” at any gathering even if all were couples because I got to know their families as well as my own. Together we were a team and I was accepted completely and unconditionally.
Then there were the patients. The miracles and the tragedies we shared with them that just strengthened the bond between us. Where else could you have your hands in bodily fluids, perform CPR, sit and hold a patient’s hand and share educational information with a family member all before you go to lunch—that is, if you ever got to go to lunch! Yes, the patients were the thread that connected us to each other and I can still recall so many of them by their names, their stories, diagnosis and outcomes.
Experiencing life from this view connects nurses and the other team members like no other profession. Sharing those stories that no one else would believe with each other forges such strong relationships because no one else “gets it” like we do. Twelve-hour shifts are never twelve hours and weekends are just another day.
On a trip home from a vacation one night, I remember flying in over the hospital and spotting the cupola with the blue cross shining brightly in the sky. “That’s where I work,” I proudly told the person sitting next to me as I pointed out the window. “Oh, Christ Hospital. That is a good hospital,” they replied. “Yes, it is,” I answered, but I wanted to say so much more.
I wanted to explain that it is not just an institutional building that provides healthcare, but an army of experts dedicated to caring not only for the sick but for each other. It is an outstanding technological and research center where people still walk lost visitors to their destination. It is a collection of walls that encase people with the capacity to love at so many levels.
So how; how do I walk away from a place that taught me all I know about life and death and everything in between? I’ve decided it is by blind faith. And connection. I plan to remain a part of this family even though I will not be inside its four walls every day. I will hold each of them in my heart and take everything they have shared with me wherever I go; I plan to become a volunteer so I can give back a small portion of what I gained in my 28 plus years, and find purpose in a different way.
I am so grateful for all they have done and continue to do for me and for the patients. Just because I won’t reside there every day does not mean that I am not still a part of the team and their work. I send them many blessings and positive energy and I ask that they might do the same for me.
So, at The Heart Of It All, in this glorious thing called life, we all will experience “How am I going to do this” situations at one time or another and how we respond is up to us. Wayne Dyer said, “Our lives are what our thoughts create,” so the future is ours to design.
Going forward, I have decided the best way to honor the sacred work of nursing and those who invested so much in me over the years is to live the best life possible one day at a time. As I draw upon all the lessons learned as the foundation for the next phase of the journey, I can step into the unknown with confidence as a testimony to those who brought me to this place.
Namaste